1101 Assignment on Cause and Effect

READ pages 321-334 on Cause and Effect

&

the essay, "The Case Against Air Conditioning" pages 344-346

Be prepared to share ideas and discuss both 

when you come to class

Abbreviations for Correction Marks

SF = Sentence fragment

R-O = Run-on sentence

CS = Comma splice
AGR = Agreement error, which may be between a subject & predicate OR noun & antecedent
BW = Better Word needed here
VPR = Vague pronoun reference
WW = Wrong Word used
TR = Transitional word, phrase or sentence is needed to connect ideas
AWK = Awkward phrasing
EW = Exact wording is needed here
* spell out small numbers less than 100
* do NOT use conversational words such as "Okay" (or its abbreviation, OK)
* if you begin telling of a past experience in PAST tense, stay in past tense; do NOT switch to present tense
* if an essay opens in first person (whether it is first person singular, "I" or first person plural, "we"), stay in first person; do NOT switch to 2nd person ("you")
* should  you use a quotation to end a sentence, the period should come before quotation marks, NOT after quotation marks, as seen here: "If you're making mistakes, it means you're out there doing something."  ~ Neil Gaiman

 Neil Gaiman's quote is one of my favorite.  If you have a favorite quote, share it with me;   if I use it somewhere on the blog, you'll get a point added to your final grade. (NO MORE THAN 5 points can be accrued this way.)

REVISION and EDITING

Revision is painful and time-consuming, but it will make your writing stronger and better, if you choose to make the effort. SIMPLE EDITING will NOT raise your grade very much; REAL revision MIGHT.  Generally speaking, a person of intelligence usually gets out of an assignment about what he is willing to put into it. There are very few “natural” writers, fewer still with talent, but talent alone will not make you a “good” writer.

Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.

Stephen King

The following paragraphs are from student papers and contain representative errors common to all first essays. PLEASE PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO HOW ONE MIGHT SOLVE THESE ERRORS WITH EDITING AND/OR REVISION.

The following paragraph has serious editing errors; however, despite the sentence fragment and lack of exact or varied wording, the paragraph is basically fluent. 

        As young adults our generation will face many struggles, challenges, and obstacles. As we become adults we will be forced to face the many obstacles we've watched our parents and elders deal with our entire lives. Facing struggles such as obtaining a degree, keeping good credit and maintaining it, maintaining healthy relationships, and finding a stable well-paying job. You will have to learn how to balance all of the struggles of your adult life to become a more independent, successful, and well-rounded adult.

The following paragraphs needs work on exact wording, some revision, and basic editing:

         Life has its ups and downs, but it's all in the way you look at it. Growing up I was very optimistic about life, but as I got older and realized there were challenges, it changed the way I viewed at life. Change, illness and loss are three things that changed my outlook on things, causing me to look at events in a more pessimistic way; and because of the events that have taken place I know this is something I need to work on.

The two following opening paragraphs need serious REVISION as well as editing:

          Like most people living from the states, I've lived in this country my whole life, and have never even ventured into another country. This county is all I know, and being such a large and patriotic country, is all the love this country gets truly deserved? It varies, depending the view being used.

      

         Every generation faces its own unique and challenging problems. Generations of the past had world wars, The Great Depression, and other unique challenges. Today our generation faces unforeseen problems by our ancestors. Today, society has to conquer problems like a forever changing job market, technology, advancements, and problems caused by generations before us.

Body Paragraph developed with generalization—NO specific examples; awkward, confusing sentences; errors in exact wording. 

Lately, police officers have been in headline news for some really negative situations. When I think of a police officer, I imagine someone keeping the streets of America safe. Shooting young teens has come to something repetitive in this profession. Most recently two young African American males have had their lives taking away by a police officer. I always place myself in someone else’s shoes when looking at their situation. I feel the pain of the family and the loss dealt with. I really believe the streets of America have never really been safe. Through the civil rights movement to September 11, 2001, as a country we still strong but as a unit we are slacking.

Proofreading, Editing and Revising

Proofread your paper for spelling errors, punctuation mistakes, common word mix-ups, and other mechanical problems.

Editing targets grammar problems, poorly worded or misleading sentences and phrases, and removing unnecessary words. 

Revising concerns readability, logic, and clarity. Revision is rewriting in order to improve the flow of the piece, fill in gaps in logic, and provide better support to the thesis statement. Revision adds concrete or specific examples, details, or facts rather than generalities.

When you revise a paper, the first step is to read the paper to see if it flows from one topic to another in a sensible manner. You examine the paper to determine if the organization is logical, if the paper fits the actual assignment, or if you veered off-topic at any point. During the revision process, you will find yourself rewriting paragraphs to make them sound better and to make sure they support the claims you made in the thesis statement.

Revision and editing are best done after writing your work and then letting it sit for a day or two. Your mind will still continue working on the project even when you're not involved with it. Leaving it alone will allow you to see it fresh when you return, and make it obvious whether or not it makes sense and has the meaning you intended at the time you wrote it.

MACON CAMPUS ONLY

FOR MONDAY:

Read “Fame-iness,” page 511 – answer questions 1-6 under “Style and Structure,” page 514

Read “The Wife-Beater,” page 516 – answer questions 1-4 under “Style and Structure,” page 518

Yes, I will take up answers, so please TYPE them.  (No need to write the questions.)

We will discuss these essays on Monday and answer any questions you may have about your essay, which will be due WEDNESDAY, Sept. 24

On Wednesday, we will begin the discussion of Essay #3, Cause and Effect. There will be NO TIME in class to work on the Definition Essay.

We All Think Differently

This paper was turned in by a 2nd grader with Autism. Read the directions and look over the paper carefully. Did the student follow directions?

 

Rubric for Essay #1

The purpose of essay #1 is to analyze a particular facet of the stories we have read using specific details and examples to support the thesis statement  and to demonstrate an ability to write a formal, collegiate essay, written in third person, in MLA format. Minimum Length: 2.5 pages, not to exceed 5 pages (focus on quality, not quantity).  NOTE: If there are any questions regarding what constitutes a half, fold the paper horizontally in the middle. Voila! In other words, “half” does not mean three lines.)

An "A" paper contains exemplary language, correct usage, and insight—these qualities  separate a paper that is exceptional or outstanding from a paper that is very good.

CORRECT MLA FORMAT - 10 pts.

~ Correct header

~ Correct heading

~ Title is in correct placement, font

~ Double spaced

~ Correct margins

Introduction - 10 pts.

~ Interesting/adequate opening introduces topic

~ Makes thesis statement regarding the element to be analyzed

Body Paragraphs [Content and Support]- 30 pts.

~ introduces the stories and authors and supports thesis statement through specific   examples presented in each story

~ contains an implied or explicit topic sentence

Coherence & Unity - 25 pts.

~ information is in a logical, interesting order & sequence

~ no illogical OR unnecessary statements to distract

~ paper is fluent; flows with adequate transitions so that ideas are easily followed

Grammar & Mechanics - 15 pts.

~ At the LEAST, the essay has NO:

                                    misspelled OR misused words

                                    fragments OR comma splices OR run-on sentences

                                    faulty tense shifts

                          pronoun/antecedent errors

                                     vague pronoun references
Please note that Grammar and Mechanics has a bearing on Coherence. 

Conclusion - 10 pts.

 ~ intelligent, relevant, compliments the paper
 ~ leaves reader with positive impression of composition as a whole

Additional Notes:  In addition to the above, one point will be deducted from every homonym or sound alike word used incorrectly in the the essay. Examples:

weather/whether                clothes/closes                      quite/quiet
its/it's                                  salvaged/savaged                definitely/defiantly   
their/there/they're                then/than                             rapped/raped
doing/during                        are/or/our                             where/were
mist/midst                            along/a long                         higher archery/heirarchy

 People who do not know you will judge you on your ability to write correctly; do not be guilty of sentences like:

"I like cooking my family and pets."  [Use commas; don't be a psycho.]

                    

         
[In the event your paper is written so poorly that it causes me to tear out my hair or to bang my head against the wall, I will not be responsible for subsequent smart-ass comments and disdainful rebukes.]

Topics for Essay #2: The Definition Essay

Carefully examine topics 1,2,5,7, and 9 on pages 522-523 of Patterns in Writing, 12th ed.  Choose one as a springboard that leads you to a topic for your definition essay. 

 Keys to this essay:

• LIMITING the topic
• Providing support (in the way of examples, description, background, explanation of what it is NOT--whatever works) that is concrete NOT abstract.

Macon Campus Only

One day only:

If you are finished with your first essay, print it out, if you need to, hand it in, and you are free to go.

Work on it, if you need to.

Remember:  I MUST have it in my email by midnight in order for you to get credit. EMAIL:

sharon.aiken@mga.edu

 

READING ASSIGNMENT for Monday:

The introduction to chapter 13, “The Definition Essay” and two essays,

“The Untouchable” and “Tortillas”

Essay #1 - Almost Done - On to Essay #2

Essay #2 follows close on the heels of Essay #1 because  . . . 

• you have confidence and momentum built up after writing the first essay and you don't want to lose it!
• it is similar to the first essay in that examples will be used, in this case to illustrate a single word or phrase
• the major difference between the first and second essay is that the second essay needs to use only ONE personal example

TOPICS for Essay #1 -- in case you missed them

Choose ONE of the following to develop into a thoughtful, well-developed essay:

1. Write an essay in which you establish that you are an optimistic or pessimistic person. Use
several examples to support your thesis.
2. If you could change three or four aspects of the educational program at your school, what would
they be? Confine your essay to school policies and practices. Do not examine the physical state
of the building or facilities. Be sure to group your examples together to unify your essay and
support a single thesis.
3. Write an essay in which you discuss the greatest threats, challenges, or obstacles facing the United
States or your generation.
4. Using your own observation of friends and family, write an essay in which you suggest some of
the positive or negative characteristics of Americans or American culture.
5. Write an essay in which you present examples to illustrate your formula for achieving success.
This may academic success, personal success, athletic success, or financial success. Be sure to use
examples from others experiences or your own to make your point, and avoid writing a “process”
essay.
6. Using examples from your own experience, write an essay in which you discuss the virtues,
benefits, or advantages of one of the following:
• A hobby
• Participation in athletics
• Participation in performing arts: theater, dance, or music
• Study and practice in the fine arts
• Part-time employment
7. Write an essay in which you analyze current trends and use recent examples to illustrate the
direction of American music, film, television, entertainment in general, leisure activities, or to
predict the future of American culture in general.

RUBRIC - Essay #1 - Fall 2014

FYI: An "A" paper contains exemplary language, correct usage, and keen insight. Though these traits are ideal, they are often the ones that separate a paper that is exceptional or outstanding from a paper that is merely very good

·                CORRECT MLA FORMAT - 10 pts.

~ Correct header

~ Correct heading

~ Title is in correct placement, font

~ Double spaced

~ Correct margins

·                Introduction - 15 pts.

~ Interesting/adequate opening; uses a definite strategy, provides any needed background

~ Thesis statement is:

                        clearly worded

                        focus for paper

                        forceful, deliberate, strategically placed

·                Body Paragraphs - 25 pts.

~ support thesis statement

            ~ contain an implied or explicit topic sentence

~ fully developed with necessary details, examples, explanation, development that are “real,” clear, concrete and specific

·                Coherence, Organization & Unity - 25 pts.

~ information is in a logical, interesting order & sequence

            ~ no illogical OR unnecessary statements to distract

            ~ paper is fluent; flows with adequate transitions

            ~ ideas are easily followed

Reminder:  Grammar and mechanics go hand in hand with coherence and unity; failure in one area can contribute to failure in another area.

·                Grammar & Mechanics - 15 pts.

~ At the LEAST, the essay has NO:

                                    misspelled OR misused words

                                    fragments OR comma splices OR run-on sentences

                                    faulty tense shifts

                                    pronoun/antecedent errors

                                    vague pronoun references

·                Conclusion - 10 pts.

~ avoids cliché, trite opening such as “In conclusion”

~ Intelligent, relevant, compliments the paper

            ~ leaves reader with positive impression of composition as a whole

In addition to the above, one point will be deducted for every incorrect homonym or incorrect sound-alike word that is used in the paper. Do NOT rely solely on spell check. Engage thought and proof-reading!!  If you’re not sure whether it’s the correct word, FIND OUT.  Following are some of the more common and creative examples:

Closes/clothes                           weather/whether

Wear/were/where                      vicious/viscous

Its/it’s                                       definitely/defiantly

Their/there/they’re                     deaf/death

           

            

Common Errors to AVOID

Note the following errors and determine to correct them. These are from student essays this semester:

1.       Sentence Fragments:

a.       Technology has taken over the world. No matter where you are, there is always something technological around you. Whether it be in your car, home, or school. It’s useful in our everyday lives. Though maybe a little too useful.

b.      Technology today controls almost everything in our everyday lives. For example, the forms of how to communicate with people to how we travel.

c.       Technology is simple because it makes living so much easier. For example, writing a letter.

2.       Vague Pronoun Reference AND Wordiness:

a.       In the present world that one may know today, he may see the use of cellphones, computers, and television.

3.       Use of clichés (underlined, in case you don’t recognize them):

a.       History has shown that going with the flow allows you to always be up to date and on top of everything.

4.       Confusing and Illogical Syntax . . . sentences that make the reader go, “HUH?”

a.       In the future, or if they already haven’t, will eventually realize that because today’s generation is turning into a technology based world in a certain sense.

5.       How NOT to open the last paragraph (also Wordiness):

a.       In conclusion, the ever evolving technology that we know of today is only going to continue to get getter and progress

6.       Subject-Verb Agreement Errors (ARRGH!!! And Wordiness):

a.       The new generation like myself feel that technology is an awesome thing to have in this life because we was raised into new technology unlike the older generation.

7.       Comma Splice (ARRGH!!):

a.       This quote is humorous to me, it brings me back to a time when touch screen cell phones were becoming very popular.

8.        Spelling error, Faulty Verb, and RUN-ON sentence:

a.       We’ve came along way in this society when it comes to technology I remember my parents telling me that they didn’t have internet when they were growing up.

b.      Technology rules the world now everyone is either on a cell phone, computer, iPad or tablet.

9.       WRONG WORD—SPELLCHECK IS NOT ALWAYS YOUR FRIEND:

a.       Why would anyone hang their closes to dry when the dryer can do the job for them?

10.   Beginning a sentence with a VERB, but no subject; using a numeral rather than spelling out a small number less than one hundred; failure to use an apostrophe:

a.       Is like a child who is 6 knows how to work everything dealing with this new technology versus someone not knowing that much about everything and how it works.